STACiEEMACiEE x

stacieemaciee @ 2007-05-05T10:23:00

2007-05-05T09:26:09Z

Hey everyone.Long time no talk once again.I don't even know where to start.Lifes been pretty hectic over the past few months since my last update.Most of you know I was admitted to hospital for treatment for anorexia.I recently struggled really badly and had to be ng fed.It was my lowest point in my life yet and words cannot describe how hard and messed up I was at the time.Yet I felt some relief in the control being taken away from me.Since then I've worked very hard to get back to the stage before my relapse and I'm slowly but surely getting there-one step at a time:).Anyway here are some recent pictures=] x

Here are a few more bigger ones.

Before hospital.

After ng tube.I looked terrible but at the time you don't see that.

stacieemaciee @ 2007-02-04T09:27:00

2007-02-04T09:34:29Z

Hi everyone*waves hand like a lunatic*.How are ya all?I'm not too good,could be better,blah.Life sucks sometimes huh?.I can't do it anymore.I can't eat anymore...I can't resist these urges...they are too strong.I want so bad just to get better and for this to be out of my life....but i don't see that happeneding anytime soon...or ever.I feel like just curling up in a ball and waking up when this is over...but i guess this is life...and what hurts us only makes us stronger.Although at this point in time i'm finding it increasingly hard to keep that in mind while I'm sitting in my room(well not my room,the hospital room)crying.Anyway enough about that-I got my hair cut yesterday.Big mistake...I HATE IT!it's way too hard to manage-Not to mention I now look like Jackiey Goody(Jade Goody's from BIG BROTHER fame's mum).My fringe has been changed to the opposite side because I was balding(lmao!)at the other side(due to lack of nutrition etc).So now I had to train it by clipping it to the new side for a while-Ohhh great fun=P.I guess new hair takes getting used to.Geez,all I seem to do is moan these days=P.Oh and this is kinda random but does anyone else love the song this aint a scene by Falloutboy?I love it!I've only ever heard another two songs by them really and they were cool but I've decided I might download some more onto my ipod later.Ghazal loves them(well the last time i heard,lol)and now I know why=).Anyway the pictures are behind the cut,thank you x.

Excuse the tired and pale looking face,I was feeling sick(Yah en excuse,lol-No I really was)..

Goofy face=P

My lovely mother=P>

Before the haircut(two weeks ago).Now you see why I need a fringe-I have a big forehead=P.

A random cat.

My friends lil sister Katie.

Finally...One taken a few day before I went into hospital=O

my bruises will never heal

2007-01-31T20:48:00Z

I'm losing my battle...slowly but surely.I can see myself slipping back to my old ways.

Stacie's Back...Back Again...Tell A Friend!=P.

2007-01-14T11:17:54Z

Hello=).Wow...it's has been agesssssss!:/.A lot has happened since I last updated my LJ about 3 months ago!:O.Well I don't know where to even start but I'll try to explain the best that I can.As the last entry said I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa...and since then I have been admitted to a Adolescent Mental Health Hospital//Unit.I'm on the eating disorders programme and have been since late October.It all happened so quick because things just got so bad I could hardly even remeber anything about the few weeks beforehand...It's all a blur and the days just passed by me without me even realising.I was awake but not myself my family have said.....I had lost all my personality and only foccused on my obsession with weight and food.....It was disapointing to hear that because I have always been full of life and had so many interests...but this illness took me over....it's all I was for months and still a part of me even now.....even though I'm trying to recover.The treatment consists of me Having 6 regular meals throughout the day(breakfast at 8am,snack at 10am,lunch at 12pm,snack at 3pm,dinner at 5pm and snack at 9pm).When I first found out I was panicing like crazy...how could I go from not eating and hardly drinking anything(even water)to having that much in a day?could my stomach handle it?I thought.At that point I just felt so depressed I wanted to end it all....and that's not even like me to think like that...so I must of been pretty desperate...I just couldnt face the battles ahead of me(having to eat and gain weight)because those were big factors in my illness-having to go against what I had being doing the months beforehand and felt dying would be easier and save everyone all the hassle.Having to eat scared me more than anything at that moment.Thinking back I can see how being weak,hungry,dehydrated and how gripped by anorexia I was at that point.It had a hold of me and my mind wasnt thinking straight.A lot of people say it is a very manipulative illness and now I know what they mean....I couldnt make rational desicions.One afternoon my mum got a phonecall and afterwards she came into my room crying and told me "They have found a place//bed for you in the hospital"-It was such short notice because I had to be admitted the next day.When I heard this I was anxious but relieved...that mabye,hopefully this would finally be over.I had,had enough.I had no life at this point and this seemed the only option.The first day I was dropped of there was the most nerveracking day of my life.I remember my gran dropping us of outside the hospital doors and kissing and waving me goodbye(both of us in tears).Thats when I realised I had affected everyone around me....Afterwards when we were inside we were shown to the interview room and were interviewed and accessed/weighed by one of the unit doctors.My eyes and skin were jaundis(sp?)-Basically I was bright yellow like the simpsons,lo!=P.I looked old and wrinkly and my face and eyes were sunken in.I didnt look like me.I was then shown to my room and my mum was told to go(I remember hysterically crying and just wanting to go home...I didnt know how long I would be here...When she left I was left alone sitting in my room...it was so bare with nothing in it...it's tiny and poky with hardly any room or air to breath,I missed home-I just felt so hopeless and stuck.By this time I was so shaky and panicky I felt I was going to have a panic attack.As the day went on I was approached by a member of staff(nursing assist)who explained to me some of the rules/guidelines.One of them was no activity or exercise(including walking)-Since my weight was so low(5 stone),I was told any movement that wasnt stricly needed could burn calories and energy-therefore my weight could be affected.At this point I had developed a habit of shoogling/shaking my feet around since I couldnt exercise-It was alos a nerves thing and this was counted at overexercising.I was also given a air cusion and matress because I had pressure sores on the sides of my arms and my bone near my backside(lol).They were painful but I was used to them.Another rule was I wasnt allowed my window open-They said that having a window open with my low body weight would make me shiver and apparently shivering trying to heat yourself up burns calories!-I thought this was ridiculous!!!I just like fresh air...I felt like I was in prison when she listed of rule after rule...even giving me a manual to remember them.Every 15 minutes the nurses have to check everyone to see where/how they are and what they are doing....this makes you feel very uncomfortable and you little to none privacy...even when your in the bathroom for longer that a few minutes they knock on the door checking to see what you are doing!.After mealtimes you have to be supervised for an hour after main meals and half an hour after snack-to make sure the food digests and you don't exercise or throw it up(depending what eating disorder you are in for).You have to sit down for that whole time not moving and even if you move to stretch you get told off.It is pretty strict but I guess thats the point and it's for a reason.Supervision is meant to be a time to relax and keep your mind of things but it makes it worse at times.If you need the toilet during that time a femal staff member has to come in with you-Not enjoyable I tell ya,lol!=P.At first the urges to exercise were really strong.I'd even catch myself at times going to the bathroom to do sit-ups-It just shows you how sneaky I had become.When I was admitted to hospital my bmi was 13.7 but over the past few months it has went up and so has my weight-at the moment it has just reached 16.1-It still scares me knowing I am getting bigger.The worst part of it it is the bloating of the stomach.Because my stomach had shrucnk so much with not eating-whenever you eat more than you are used to your stomach feels forced and stretched and it can be painful and uncomfortable.Now they are starting to let me see a physio because my bone density is now up again so I can do gentle exercise and activity.I'm also now allowed home for weekend passes(right now I am on one)and allowed more time out since there is not much danger of me collapsing or anyhing now.My moods have been pretty up and down and every day is still a struggle and I often have to take a supplement for the so called fear foods I can't handle but I manage 99% of the time with my food plan.Since I just mentioned my food plan here is some info about it.The dietitian has set it according to how much weight she wants me to gain every week.The gain is gradual as my body at first couldnt handle it after starving for so long.I'm taking in more food than anyone who has normal eating habits probably would....and that still scares me.They have also been giving me multivitiman tablets and medication to make my bowels move lol!constipation is not nice...:(:p.Luckily since I have been eating better and a more balanced diet I can go now without a problem ha.My periods still havent started again yet...It's been at least 6 months now,so I'm a little worried.I don't know when I will be discharged yet(they have 6 weekly reviews so review your progress and decide),I've been in for three months know and thats the mimimum stay,at least a month or so yet before I can come home or mabye longer.Hopefully things are looking up despite the odd days that I'm still struggling-I've been allowed to start going back a couple times a week to my school also because my health is now much better and so is my concentration.Now behind the cut are some pictures and stuff because I went shopping yesterday,love yooh all!<333

NSFW(Not safe for work,lol!)This one was taken two weeks before I went into hospital...I lost more weight between that time.

A few weeks before hospital.

In my room at the hospital

Looking rather ill

Taken 2 weeks ago.

These next two were taken about 6 months ago but I thought I would include them.

My food plan.

Stuff I bought while shopping=)

I guess I should update...

2006-10-14T18:03:50Z

Wow.Long time no update...within good reason though....I didn't abandon teh internet intentionally...Everything has been so crazy so I've hardly had any spare time or if I have I've felt too weak or down to come online.This is really hard to admit and to put into words but I'm in dire need of a place to let it all out and vent.A few people already knew I have an eating problem or major issues with food so I've finally admitted I need help and am seing a eating disorder therapist//specialist and nutritionist,basically what they have to offer.The breaking point came last Saturday afternoon.Nearly 4 days without food and only a glass of water left me feeling weak and pactically unable to move.I thought my body could handle it since I'm used to restricting to almost nothing for days.My mum called the doctor out and I had to have a blood and urine test and a full physical check-up.They said I was dehydrated from lack of fluids.I weighed in at around 5 stone 8 or just over I think.The last time I checked I was 6 stone 1.The docotors and my family discussed if staying overnight at hospital on a drip was needed.I was reluctant.I've realised that this is not worth it.If I carry on like this I could affect my long term health and in the worst case even die.Is it all worth it?That's what everyone asks me...I'm sickof hearing it..but the thing is they are right.I guess the first step in recovering or improving is realising their is a problem and not being in denial.I know I have a long way to go pr I might always struggle and my mind-set can't just change overnight(boy,I wish it could...)but I'm trying to think as positive as I can.The thing I'm most scared of is losing control and weight gain...I'm practically under 24 hour watch because my mum has been advised to stop me exercising or doing any activity....and to drink supplement drinks beecause my body has went so long without the right nutrition...I'm sh!t scared...not just of the guilt feeling to do with eating and even drinking...but of everything in general.It's so hard to put into words right now what everything is like or what is going on in my mind right now but I hope everyone else is good and I miss you all.Take care <3.

Times are changing...

2006-08-30T22:28:18Z

Hello=).I'm coldddd.Hungry and not to mention my back aches but other than that I'm dandy.How are all you wonderful people on this fine(sorta..kinda..)day?.Not really all that much to update about.Went shooping,yay.I was just bored and felt the need to share YES,you have guessed it!...More new pictures.But I'm sure you knew that anyway=P.Behind the cut.I look ill though for some reason:/ >.<.Oh and thanks Tillyness for the new layout(I edited it a lil).I put a credit link in my uder info page and profile but it's not showing the links at the navigation bit for my computer!:/.So yeh,I'll somehow fix that I hope.

Heyloo.

2006-08-26T22:00:37Z

Hi everyone=).How are you all on this day?.I'm hyper for some reason but this temp-feel good high will no doubt be over shortly.I'm kinda down though cuz my friends big cousin is in a coma.She was involved in a car crash with her best friend but sadly her friend died.She is still in a coma.I know her a bit too so it's a shame and I hope she wakes up soon=(.Don't know what else to write except new pics behind the cut,comments welcome,thank you!=].

Taken today.Oh and can you see my freckles?...:p.

Very blurry camera phone pic..I'm just glad at least one finally uploaded!=P.

Last week.

stacieemaciee @ 2006-08-17T20:22:00

2006-08-17T19:24:24Z

Hey.I should really update this thing otherwise I'm going to explode.Today has been crappy-Everyday is though so no surpirse there.I can't do anything right.No matter what I do I just hurt people or whatever.I suck at life.I give in for an easy life plz!.No wonder no one comments me-All I ever do is moan lol.Anway new pictures so as always comments are nice and appreciated,thank yooh=].

I was babysitting and we went out/took pics but I look dorky here.

&&...

It's True.

2006-08-11T08:45:07Z

I just can't deal with life anymore.

stacieemaciee @ 2006-08-08T20:15:00

2006-08-08T19:29:03Z

Long time no update eh?Well just over a week.So how has everyone been?=).I don't really have much to update about sadly..I guess that's what comes along with having practically no life away from the internet.It saddens me,meh.I miss my gran and grandad.They're in Spain on Holiday and I'm really glad they are getting to relax because my god do they deserve it but a lil selfish part of me wants them back for a huggle:p.I was scared about them travellin on a plane but they got there safely.I went to go see Pirates OTC2 last week though.Jack Sparrow=hot!hot!hot!Well Johnny Depp is so that's probably why.The only other thing worth mentioning is my eating really.It does control my life at times so I guess it's worth a mention.Last week I dropped to around 7 stone(don't know how much that is in pounds and to be frankly honest I don't wanna know!lol)and I was overjoyed and chuffed.The last time I weighed myself I was around 7'10 so it was a shock to me.Now because of the annoying monthly visitor I'm now 7'6,damn those periods!Oh well.At least now I can eat and have an excuse,lol.It's all over the place though so I'm considering a proper nutritional diet rather than not eating.Last week was torture though-I limited myself to one meal a day and that was it.Now I'm binging so I guess that's the bad side effect.On the plus side I have been doing more exercise and activity therfore feeling much less like a big blimp.Goodbye sluggish feelings!=).For now anyway till I get lazy again:p.I need more willpower-I'm determined but just not enough.I put up a new layout all thanks to Tillyness=).Is it showing up okie?Took me long enough to figure out where the overrides part was rotfl.Oh and I took some new pics today(I had not straightened my hair btw so it/I look like a racon tail and not a pretty one at that..em not that that makes sense lol)and I feel spotty and my face looks lolable in one pic(what was I thinking?:p)but comments welcome anyway,thank yoo=).P.s-My eyebrows suck.The End.I'm off to watch How To Look Good Naked,byez!x.

Happy Birthday to me!..

2006-07-30T10:21:12Z

Hello Everyone!It's my birthday today and I'm officially 15 now!Woot woot!It's not rly that exciting cuz 16 is the special one.Pfft oh well:p.So I think*crosses fingers*I got a LJ-Cut to work!Yayyyy:]].So follow the cut for my day plan && extras...

Well today I slept in for once,I usually get up around 9am even on weekends(lol)and I stayed in bed until 10:30=).Me being a party pooper went to bed at 11:45pm last night haah and my mum came in to my room and woke me up and handed me a gift!aww.It was a small gift(Nail Polish set) because she normally gives us money so that was sweet.Then I started crying(Don't ask haha).Soon I have to go get ready to go over to my granparents house where my whole family will be.Cue embarassment when they all gather round for the cutting of the cake and a sing song haha.They mean well though.I have so many clothes and shoes to pick from yet atm I don't know what to wear!I wanted something a lil bit more dressy but I mosly have jeans and cut tops.Oh well-I'll figure something out.Afterwards I'm going to see a few friends for a small party.I hope that will be good.After that I'll prob come home and upload the pictures:]].So I hope everyone else has a good day too and because I'm that bored & I wanna try this out here is an outfit I put together.I'm just that fashion crazy huh?Buy-Bye=)x.

=)

stacieemaciee @ 2006-07-27T22:09:00

2006-07-27T21:35:42Z

Heya Everyone!It's my 15th birthday on Sunday...& I'm nervous and not feeling that excited for it tbh:/.I'm not even sure why but yah i'm odd in that way.I don't even have anything planned for it!:p.I was thinking mabye go ice skating with a few friends but I don't rly have any friends haah.Well I do...but I hardly see them and I feel whenever I'm around them I annoy them.I would like to say happy birthday to my internet friend Lauren!She turned 15 too,Happy Birthday,You deserved & I also hope ya had a good day!Luff Yooh=)xx.Anyway today I went to the Kelvingrove art muesem with my social worker(well she's not rly a social worker,it's hard to explain exactly what she is,lol).I know it sounds boring but it was quite good and interesting.Packed full of people sitting outside on the grass eating lunch!It was so hot/humid today and I must have sweated bucketloads man!:/.We saw these stuffed animals though on display like birds,tigers and a wee cat!:/.Awww but I don't think/hope they killed them just fir that-Well I shall be sticking to that anyway.There was this pure freaky statue though-Like half man/half werwolf/fish!:/.It's gonna give me nightmares for the next week I think!.Afterwards we went for something to eat/drink in this wee small cafe.It was a much more sophisticated cafe to what I am used to and it was quiet and they played nice rather than crappy music so I was happy for sure=).I decided not to order any food though cuz I had already had toast that morning and am trying to cut down a bit.We sat in there for a good 45 minutes just talking about various topics like Drugs,Alcohol,Gangs....oh my it was an interesting convo I never though someone of such authority would be having with someone my age!:p.But that's why I like her,she's open and down to earth but understands me without having to try.We went for a bit of shopping(well a week look,no spending sadly haha)after in this massive New Look store.Usually the one i look in near me is tiny.Needless to say I liked practially everything in the store but no money to spend yet:p.After all that we got the bus home which was packed full of loud yobs,how fun=).Especially when they are swearing every 2 seconds loudly behing you in yr ear!=).I'm not joking though.I don't mind swearing though haah so I don't know why I'm complaining.Well the rest of the night I've just been watching tacky tv programmes from the past and feeling sorry for myself.Well that's all for now and here are some new pics below of me/the kids I babysit sometimes.(Click for fullsize!)Comments welcomed,bye!:]]x.Oh & sorry if my spelling is bad:p.

Baby Go Boom...

2006-07-22T17:12:43Z

Hello me dearies,lol.How is everyone today?I'm okie I guess.Not good nor bad:p.Oh but I have come the the conclusion that I have no life.Goody Goody.I have no education either.Where am I gonna get in life with that?It's my own fault though.Good news(well for me)my jeans are loose!>-<.You don't know how much that means to me!Well it means I wasted a lot of money of some expensive jeans that I'll never wear again,ahh but apart from that it means I feel better about myself.It's also another excuse to buy new pairs!:p.Nah I'm jk.I just put up a new layout,is it okie?:]].Oh and if you see funny tests it's me checking out the lj-cut I'm trying to do so just ignore it kk?Also a quick few questions-Should I make my LJ friends Only and should I made a graphics community since I have no life bar the computer anyway hehe.Thank Yooh:]]x.

DAYS GO BY WITHOUT A TRACE...

2006-07-19T22:13:41Z

*sniff sniff*I have hayfever:(.It's annoying and stuffy.I can't breate.At first I thought I had a cold but I though "wtf?a cold in schorching hot,mid-july?I don't think so"lol!.The past few days have been odd.I can't even explain how or why but they have.I don't even have a reason as to why.I'm just sorta stuck in life I guess.I just don't feel very socialble atm.Well...I do but I hardly have any friends so that might be it*sarcasm*.I found my ex-boyfriends bebo profile(it's a long story how though).We only split up because he had to move to England so I still really liked him.It seems like he has moved on.He hardly eer calls me even though we are still friends.It hurts.What hurts even more is he did'nt even mention me at all.It was hard letting him go.To make it a lot worse I found some of my old friends(who I havent spoke to since I left primary when I was about 11)bebo sites.They have changed in so many ways but not in others.They have so many friends and hobbies and have fun in life.Not to mention they look drop-dead gorgeous and have boyfriends or whatever.I was also thinking about summer earlier.Everyone is out with their friends having fun while I'm stuck inside alone crying.I want hug.I know it can't fix the situation but it would make me feel better.I was thinking the about Summer I had three years ago.It was great.I spend a lot of time with my family and friends,I was less self concious and enjoyed life but compared to now I'm older and a slightly different person.I let everything get to me and give up before someone or something gives up on me.I'm so negative now and it scares me.If this is what I'm like at 14 what am I going to be like in years to come.My head hurts.I've changed as a person and so has the world since then so I guess I can't always go after the past or for perfection.I gotta just cherish what I got and not take things for granted before it's too late.It's hard though-Sarcasm/Negativity(sp?)is like breathing for me recently.I don't know what else to say apart from more moaning so I guess I'll leave it at that for now.Love you all!:)xx

I want to Smile Again...

stacieemaciee @ 2006-07-15T19:10:00

2006-07-15T18:36:48Z

Hello Everyoeeeee!:]].I'm in a happier/hyper mood today for some odd reason even though today has not been that great:p.Ah shucks,All I know is I work in weird ways.So how has everyone elses Saturdays been so far?.Mines has went pretty slow.I slept in my living room last night because of a giant spider we could not get outta my bed..long story:p.So now my back hurts,ow.I nearly died twice today,I swear.When I was making my way to the bahroom to shower and brush my teeth this morning I tripped over this phone holder table leg thingy and nearly went flying down the stairs head first!Luckily I regained my balance and caught hold of the bannister in time haha.Then Later on in the day I was straightening my hair and the house phone went(I was the only one in)so I sat them down,went to answer the phone,blah blah blah.After the phonecall(turned out to be my social worker:/)I went to pick the straighteners up and silly me forgot they are hot lmao and picked them up at the metal plate part!Boy did I scream and swear a lot haha.Well not rly but it sure was a dorky thing to do and I have learnt my lesson now.I need to use my brain more often otherwise I'll end up in A&E soon:p.Now I have a red,sore hand,owy.At least it's not badly burnt and I'm not dead ha.I'm such a drama queen arent I?Hehe:p.So um I'll stop babbling and post a few new pics(as always)I took today/recently.Click to see full size.Comments welcome,thanks:]]x.

Question Of The Day:What is your one goal you would like to achieve in your lifetime?:)

No Make-Up:/

A couple of weeks ago.

My mum and me,I looked fugly haha so I scribbled out my mouth that looked funny:p.

My chest looks saggy,lmao.Not that you wanted to know that but I wish you could loose weight and yr boobs wouldnt sag!:(

Edit:As soon as I finished writing this entry I went off to get a can of coke and I could not open it cuz of my nails so I used a pen haha(hard to explain)and I almost stabbed mywelf in the chest with it!:O.Close call once again:p.Anyway I'm off to answer my space stuff/change my profile,bye ma luffers!:]]x

stacieemaciee @ 2006-07-14T13:11:00

2006-07-14T12:28:33Z

It's currently 1:12pm in the afternoon here and I'm still not dressed.I feel shitty(excuse my french hah)beyond belief.This is kinda embarassing but my period is all over the place.It lasts a couple of days,stops,then appears again like a week later!That cannot be good!=O.I hope it's just a one time thing.There is no way I'm going to the doctors about it.I don't even know why this is happening.As soon as I get my diet back on track this has to happen.Now I've put on water weight.I feel like a bloated whale if there is such a thing.I just don't make any sense do I?:p.Not only do I feel tubby,My skin has broken out.It never usually gets this bad though.Grr.My eyebrows are messed up too.I think I should just wear a paper bag over my head(I might not be able to see but that's no different from now since I'm due an eye check-up so I might need glasses!).Change that to a body bag to cover my lumpy body.Eh why do I always have to be so dramatic!:p.On the plus side I'm going shopping today,good no?:).Need ideas on what I can buy with £20?:p.I want my hair done.Mines sucks because It's so boring and plain.I want crazy colourful hair and extensions.Audrey Kitching style,lol:p.Too bad I would have to be stinkin rich to afford it,Gorgeous and skinny to pull it off and live in a city where I would'nt get the piss taking out of me.Oh well.One can only dream.I think my obsession with celebritys and what not is not healthy for me.Makes me feel 100 times worse that normal.

See how nice is this?♥

Long,Long way to Happy...

2006-07-11T12:36:15Z

Hey everyone*attempts a dorky weak wave*.I feel down today,I feel down everyday.I just can't be botheed with anything and i hate myself for that.I just want to cry.I hate the fact that all I do in here is moan or complain but I have no where else to do it.So much mess in my life right now and I don't even know where to begin.Blahy.I'm not gonna say what is bothering me cuz if I do I'll end up filling the whole page of my own pathetic self-pity.I just wanna be happy stace again like I used to be:(.Anyway I took some new pictures yesterday,they all turned out horrible because I had un-straight hair(my bangs need cut again)& no make-up!lol:(.My lips always look so dry/chapped in pictures but they are not!So I'll just post some.Comments welcome please.Click to see in full size:)x.

This one was taken last week hah.

If you had not noticed I seem to wear this cardigan a lot-It's comfy so I can't help it:p.Ignore where the picture was taken(In a garden centre,my mum is a florist so that pretty much explains why there is always flowers in my pics:p).Oh and ignore how my face looks scrunched up,hehe.

Black&White

Big Bug

Pin light!

A cat

That's all Folks!

Shake It Like A Salt Shaker...

2006-07-10T12:09:22Z

I have a sudden urge to dance but I'm lazy and cannot possibly move hah.So um... my mum is sad.That France lost out to Italy in the world cup.I'm not a big football fan but I watched the final anyway haha.I was sorta confused because I don't understand all the rules but wtf happened with Zidane?:/.Congrats to Italy though even if France played better,jk:p.So who were you supporting?Do tell:]].So it's nearly 1pm here and I'm still not dressed.Yesterday was a total crappy day but most days seem to be like that recently.Nothing rly made it that bad,I just had a feeling I wasn't gonna like yesterday and stuff.It's my own fault for thinking negative though.So a new shopping center opens up here today,woo hoo.More shops for me!=D.I'm so boring and can't think what else to write.Everyone on here seems to have so many friends and comments compared to me:p.Put a new layout up,Not sure if I like it yet,meh.Oh and my mum bought one of these swingy chair things for the garden-Fun-It's like having a swing again:p.I gotta be careful though-If I go to fast I might break it:p.Oh and my great-grandad is doing better,they gave him a blood transfusion so he is loking better.I'll be taking some pictures later so expect an update sooner rather than later.

Now Question of The Day cuz I'm a copycat:p.

If you could go back in time and change only one thing in your past,what would it be?...

P.S-What do you think of these socks?Do you think they look tacky?I'm considering ordering them with my birthday money soon.

Baby It's Cold Outside...

2006-07-08T17:44:51Z

Brr it's freezin here today and rainy.A change from the last few days.But I LOVE this kinda weather and snow too so I'm happy happy happy while everyone else is sad sad sad(:.Oh well,it's hard to please everyone isn't it?:p.Anyway today started off not too shabby(apart from waking up at 5am again and not being able to sleep).I woke up again around 9am because my mum was going to a car boot sale(we have so much junk to get rid of lmao:p)so I heard her getting ready so that woke me up.I then watched tv for a while but my grandad phoned to say my great-grandad is ill in hospital:(.His Cancer has came back again...Apparently it's not looking too good so I don't what what's gonna happen.He is going in for surgery though.He lives in Dunoon(you have to take a boat/ferry to get there)with my great-gran though so I hardly see him.It's a shame and I feel so bad because of it.My grandad is gonna get a boat out tomorrow to go confort my great-gran.She isn't too well either sadly.So today is sorta on a downer now.One good thing is my cousins or relatives from Canada are coming over for a visit in September I think so I'm looking forward to meeting them.Nervous too.Well for the rest of my day so far I have been at a friends house.She got a new trampoline and i love them so it was fun(apart from getting soaked haha)but I like dancing(or rather jumping in this case)in the rain;).Twas fun.I don't know what else to say apart from a new picture,so comments welcome,thanks:]]x

#3

2006-07-07T11:22:58Z

"There are things that you don't want to happen
but you have to accept.There are things that you dont want to know
but you have to learn && there are people you cant live without but you have to let go."

That quote above is sadly true.Today is weird.Don't even know why.I have blown my diet and it sucks sucky shit to be frank.Blah:[.I should stop moping around feeling sorry for myself & do something.I want to feel active but no matter what I do it does no make one bit of difference.I still have a headache.My 3rd day with it,it won't go away!!!.Meh.Hope everyone is is feeling better.Oh and fill this lil quizzy out cuz you love meh(;)jk:p).

Where did we meet?-
What were your first impressions of me?-
What are your impressions now(Why/If have they changed?
Do you think I have changed in the past year(or however long you have known me?-

Sheesh Ma Leesh...

2006-07-06T11:59:59Z

My fellow lj lovers,how are ya all today eh?(:.I'm content at the moment.I'm currently on the computer(duh,like always haha).Waiting for my mom to come back from work soon.I still have a sore head for some reason.It hurts but that goes without saying.I went shopping again yesterday.I enjoy bying new things but I hate crowed stores.I had to wait in the cue for around 20 minutes because of one lady in front of me.The sound of flustered,crying babies were all around me-oh yes.That added to my sore head,mmph.I wish I could order online but I'm not old enough yet,poo:(.I bought a red and white stripey tak top(tbh it's quite big and long so it will be used as a mini-dress over jeans most def),heart pendant and some new earrings(studs because I only have big ass earrings and the hurt to sleep in,ouchy).I was so tired yesterday so I can't remeber what I did the rest of the day.Oh but my freckles are starting to appear again.This is one of the reasons I like sun the sun.One of the only reasons.I never seem to tan thogh-I just burn.My mum has started getting a tan-No fair,I look like Casper the friendly ghost compared to her!So um that is me done moaning for another day-I'll update later with pictures,buh-bye luverlies(: x

Ouch...

2006-07-05T06:35:46Z

I have the worst migrane ever!Ow:(.I'm so tired too.I woke up around 5am and couldn't get back to sleep(lay there until 5:30 or so)and just decided to get up and something.Since it was still early I couldn't do much,meh.Now I have found myself on the computer again.It's now 7:30am and I'm awake alone.I hate it.I haven't been awake at this time in months so it's odd.Blahh someone cheer me up please?:(.Oh and I'm changing/testing a new layout out so if my lj looks crappy for a while you know why,thanks x.

Holidayyyyyyy...Holidayyyyyyy...

2006-07-04T19:51:39Z

*waves*How is everyone today?Today was a lil bit better than yesterday in some ways-but not in others.I eat a lot today to please my mum.I feel realy angry at myself now*hits stomach*.On the plus side I went shoping since I am finaly getting my allowance again*hyper*Which is what I do best and always cheers me up!I hate crowded spaces but I love shopping so I don't mind it so much xD.I didn't buy much since I only had £20 but In the end I bought a pair of skinny-ish fit jeans from Primark for a tenner,a red beaded necklace for £4 and I bough 2 magazines with the leftover money.I took a pic but you can't see the things that well(but you sure can see my ugly frumpy droppy,saggy-fied boobs!lmao!They honesty don't look like that but i took the pic at a funny angle to show off the beads but hrrmf-That's another thing I should invest in-A padded bra,lol!They have shrunk:(.Anyway you don't wanna have to read a entry about my cleavage of all things do ya???Lol:p.So I got home about half 4 and I hadn't had anything to eat or drink by then.Oh boy I sure made up for it later on though.Now I feel my mums watching me.Then I cryed for a while.No reason why-I just felt down.Has anyone seen that orange May Fly advert on TV?How the common may fly only has a average life span of only 1 day-But he doesn't feel down about it though and he fills his one day full of things she loves.It makes me sad-I take things for granted and I'm wasting my long life away.These teenage years have meant to be the best of our lifes.I want to cry again.Oh and since i'm a wee ad geek-I also love this orange phone ad,with the wee fishy.It's in the ocean but stuck in a fish bowl and it's wee fishy friends come up to see it but then swim away.It's upset but then it rains and the bowl tips over and it gets to join it's friends!Aw it makes me cry too-No idea why.Heres the you tube link to watch.http://youtube.com/watch?v=raji46D-N2E&search=orange.
Now I'm on the internet feeling bored.Comment me and cheer me up plz?:]]x

It's All Over...

2006-07-03T21:47:27Z

It's my second update of the day.But for good reason.As some of you may know I have been restricting,dieting and stuff for quite a while now.I also go on 'thinspiration' communitys I guess you would call them...I saved the links in my favourites and folders and today while I was out for a while(finally got to go see a movie)my mum had to use my computer and when I came home she comfronted me about them.She knew I was a bit iffy about my weight and appearance but not to this extent.Now I feel so ashamed for some reason.The worst part is she saw pictures I had saved from Lj in my folders.I feel so abused and every last bit of privacy I have is gone...She made me delete the folders and she'll probably check again.I'm so lucky I log out everytime I'm finished on LJ for the day otherwise she would have found a lot worse.The thing is I don't think I have an eaating disorder-Like anorexia-I still eat-Or bulimia-I don't throw up after food.What I do do is have only 1 meal a day and binge eat a lot due to lack of food so I basically have an 'issue' with food-Like a phobia,Not a disorder.But what do I know?I'm not a doctor.It's my own fault.I can't help how I feel though.

Nothing Left To Say?

2006-07-03T10:43:11Z

Hello Friendlings.I don't really know what to write here..um so I'll be my usual random self.Yesterday was bad-Hopefully today will be better.I doubt it though.I was going to go see a movie with my sister but my social worker has decided to drop by-What a fun way to spend the first proper day of the summer,grr.She never arranges it in advance.So Now I'm in poopy mood.Not to mention I'm constipated(LMAO!Too much info eh?:p).But it's driving me up the freakin wall!I don't know whether it's anything to do with not eating enough ir not getting enough fibre so It's my own fault really.I'm really hungry-Need food-Nuff said.My skin is annoying me to-It's so dry at the top and so oily everywhere else-Stupid combinaton skin.I want to cry.Attempted sit-ups last night.I suck at them.But I don't even know how to do them properly anyway:p.Oh and my uncle is going to give blood today-Good on him but I could never do it-I have needles,eek gives me the shivers thinking about it.I dn'y know what the question of the day thing should be today so I'll leave it out haha.Anyway I better be getting dressed now so reply and I'll get back to you,thankies:o)x

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